War and Memories by Gary Clemmons

I was a Marine, 18 years old, when my company was dropped into the sweltering heat of Vietnam. We knew we were facing combat in a dense jungle where the enemy had an advantage. I prayed the Sixth Sense I realized I possessed when I was a young boy would help me survive my tour. The 60s was a decade of protests and the Vietnam War was #1on every list. I survived the war but when I got back to the States, I discovered my personal war wasnt over. I was just on a different battlefield called home. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder would not be a recognized disorder until 1980. Combat veterans returning from Vietnam struggled to overcome crippling fear and feelings for over 15 years before help and support was available. I could have been the poster boy for Veterans with PTSD. Three wives, obsessive behavior, paranoia, a total lack of trust in the human race. Work, music and golf were both the devil on my shoulder and my saving grace. They didnt help me save friendships and marriages but they got me through years of internal struggle. In 2011, I was invited to participate in a program called Freedom Bird. I was part of a group of veterans who were flown to Washington, D.C. to visit the Vietnam Wall. I looked forward to the trip. I was sure I now had my life with PTSD under control. I was wrong! Every lie, excuse and obsession I had used over the years to hold myself together dissolved as I stood in front of that Wall. It was the worst and best thing that has ever happened to me. When I got back to Arizona, I made an appointment with a doctor at the VA hospital who specialized in PTSD. Now, when I look back at the man I was when I returned from Vietnam, I understand him better. I still enjoy work, music and golf but not to the exclusion of all else. I still check in with my VA doctor once a month and I know if PTSD starts trying to take over my life again, I have help and support. I have survived with a measure of success!